Question by anonymous7752: Internet addiction, messed up life, possibly messed up future, what to do?
Since I was very young I never had a lot of friends. I was bullied since I was very little and people had fun humiliating me because I never reacted. My step-father (mother’s husband) had mental problems and would beat me up for no reason whenever he forgot to take his medications (which happened several times a year). I always felt rejected everywhere and I think I partially hate my step father. I won’t go into deep details but I really feel I did NOT deserve many things he did to me (he told me he was sorry and felt bad about it, that it was not his fault, etc… but I can’t keep myself from being completely angry whenever I think about him).
I always had an addictive personality. From the moment I got my very first video games (on the Sega Genesis in 1997), I got hooked to things behind a screen. I often spent days playing it and when I got access to the internet a few years ago, I spent hours playing flash games. Afterwards, I got addicted to a role playing card game (Magic the Gathering) and I played it nearly every days for about 3 years. This was not as bad since it gave me some social interactions as well as real life friends but I stopped playing when the local card shop clossed. Afterwards, I got addicted to various online games (mostly role playing games). In 10th grade, I bought the game known as World of Warcraft. I played that game a ridiculous amount of hours. I would usually play from 2.30pm (when I got back from school) until 10.30pm (my parents asked me to close my computer at 10.30 during school days). Once my parents were asleep, I would usually try to play a few extra hours. During week ends, I played until I was completely exhausted (that was usually after 20-30 consecutive hours of gaming, I would then sleep 4-5 hours and play until exhaustion once again). During holidays, I could easily play that game up to 140 hours a week and I often played up to 90+ hours on school weeks. Again, I won’t go into details but the game had a very competitive system that rewarded the players that played the most and I wanted to be one of them in order to get those rewards (high quality in-game items). Long story short; I got my account hacked, I bought the game once again, I played even more, I got my 2nd account hacked, I played strangers’ accounts for free (I have no idea why I was doing this. Since the accounts were not mine I would not keep any of the rewards I managed to get during the time I played) and then quit the game. I then got addicted to various online forums and I spent most of my 11th grade reading these forums and posting on them for about 8h a day. By the way, I didn’t listed all the addictions I failed for, these are the ones I can clearly remember but there were many more (most of them were related to computers).
After finishing my 11th grade, I moved with my real father out of Canada. I am currently doing my 12th grade in an American high school. My new addiction is now Facebook games and random nerds forums. I have 6 Facebook accounts and I usually spend over 6h a day playing role playing games on all my accounts in order to create in-game money (with no real-life value) and I send the money to my main account. I also use my additional accounts to level up my main character (the more you play, the more levels your character gets; if you have 6 accounts you can level up 6x faster). There is also a Facebook application called “Friends for Sale” where you can “buy” other people using an online currency and other people can see who you bought. I also use my 6 accounts in order to create more online currency in that game and then I buy expensive people. During the other hours, I usually go on forums such as www.4chan.org (mostly made up of nerds like me) and discuss about funny things with anonymous people.
I recently got a conditional offer of admission from the College I wish to attend. This College have been my goal for a couple of months and I was extremely happy to receive a conditional offer from them. My results are way under what their typical students usually achieve but I had an interview there and I think they liked me. If I don’t meet their conditions, their offer of admission will be cancelled and that would probably be the most horrible deception of my life. In order to get in, I need to get a really high grade (5) on a Calculus AP exam and a high grade (4) on a European History exam. Both my math and my history teacher told me I will have to work very hard in order to achieve that goal. I know I can get this result but it is very hard for me to study or do homeworks for more than 15 consecutive minutes and I constantly feel the need to go on the internet. When I am at school, I always think about how long I have to wait until I can get on the internet. I feel bad whenever I am away from a computer with the internet and this is completely ruining my life. I nearly failed my 9th, 10th and 11th grade because of this bad habit and now I might not get in this College.
I live in my father’s office and I can surf the internet on up to 15 computers at the same time. It is impossible to hide them or to disconnect me.
The tests results indicate that I have an Adult ADHD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and signs of Schizophrenia 🙁
Answer by I am a genius! or not
I suggest that you force yourself not to go on the computer or hide it for a whole week. This will give you stress but you’ll find that you can start to do more things and that computers are just machines, not a lifestyle.
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